Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Merriwether: Spare Husband

I guess it's no suprise that I'm well recognized in my neighborhood. This is probably why no one called the cops as I walked down the sidewalk at 10:30pm yesterday carrying a pitchfork in one hand, a 5-gallon bucket in the other and a flashlight strapped to my head.

My mission: to save a lady in distress.

She had been taking the garbage out when she discovered a large, dead thing in her bushes. It had been dead for a few days.

In the hot Texas sun.

Her husband was out of town so she did what every other woman does when her husband is out of town. She called me.

Cool.

So now I'm walking down the street looking like a deranged farmer, off to save a lady from something big and dead.

And VERY stinky.

And somewhat...wet.

And...peeling.

It took some doing but I was able to free it from behind the bushes and drop it into the 5-gallon bucket which I had lined with a heavy-duty garbage bag. I tied up the bag, tossed it in the garbage can, saluted the lady with my pitchfork, and strolled briskly home.

I really didn't want her to see me throw up.

Peace be with you.

8 comments:

Wildcat said...

Where are the pictures? We demand pictures! You didn't cook it????

thseng said...

Who are you and what have you done to the real Merriwether? You blog on an incident involving a lady in distress and a dead stinky wet peeling thing and post no photos of either!?!

Merriwether said...

FYI, it was a very large, gas-bloated, fly-covered, dead cat. Trust me, you don't want to see it.

The lady was hot, though. Mmmm, sports bra...

thseng said...

A cat? Can't resist returning to the scene of the crime, eh?

Windrider said...

With a good surplus military protective mask with a fresh filter you dont even think about the smell. They are worth every penny.

Changing diapers, or cleaning up any other nasty occurance become a lot more bearable.

clarktx said...

so boots is gone? didn't you think a cat skull would look cool by your firepit? I think this post creates more questions than answers...

Merriwether said...

I haven't seen Boots in a while, but it wasn't him. However, they have a new dog, some sort of weiner dog that's always running loose in traffic. Grrrr.

J. David Boyd said...

You said: "Her husband was out of town so she did what every other woman does when her husband is out of town. She called me."

Hmm, that's very interesting...