Thursday, August 23, 2007

I taste like steak?????

Revenge is a dish best served cold.
-Belief held by Kligons and grasshoppers

I was coming back from lunch today with my boss, a coworker, and a newly-fired, $200-dollar-an-hour consultant when I spotted a giant, beautiful grasshopper. It was as big as my index finger and bright, brilliant green. Thinking Miniwether would like to see it I caught it by it's tush and that's when everything went horribly wrong.

Rather than meekly submit to my superior evolutionary status the little bastard twisted around and clamped his mandibles onto my finger! I started cursing and flicking my finger around to dislodge him but it had ahold of me with all six legs and its jaws. It felt like two wasps stinging my finger. My boss, coworker, and Mr. $200 stopped walking and stared at me.

I held my finger out to them with the grasshopper busily chewing away and said, "It's biting me". I then grabbed it's abdomen and began pulling him off my finger. One leg after another popped off until only his clentched jaws were left binding the two of us together.

Mr. $200 gave my boss a look of, "This is your star Ph.D.?" and my boss just shrugged his shoulders then asked me why I was fighting with a flesh-eating grasshopper.

"Well", I explained. "I thought my daughter would like it." Then I finally teared it free of my finger and tossed it away.

Later today I found a live treefrog in my lab. It didn't bite me when I caught it and took it down the three flights of stairs to release it outside.

Sometimes my days are weird.

Adventure! Exploration! Inverted Food Chain!


chris said...

I'm having a pretty hard time finding even the slightest feeling of sympathy... kinda had that one coming, didn't you?

Merriwether the Adventurer said...

Yeah, insectal karma is a b*tch.