Thursday, July 20, 2006

Bones, too.

So tonight I decided to add up all the bones I've broke in my life.

Wow. 25

Let's see, there are 206 bones in the human body, so I've broken over 12% of my bones. Working from the feet up the list is:

Bone in left foot
Left ankle
Ribs (all 18, plus lost the bottom quarter of both lungs)
Sternum (two place, but counts as one broken bone)

Left elbow (three breaks in two bones)
Left pinkie
Skull (front right)

Actually, I'm not sure about my skull. There's an odd grove at my hair line running from the center of my face to my temple. I'm not sure what made this groove. I had my doctor check it out and all he said was, "Hmm, that must have hurt.".

The fractured elbow is a pretty funny story. Back in grad school I played on our department's softball team. The first game of the season the other team had a guy fresh off the boat from Pakistan who really wanted to take part in American sports (or at least drink large quantities of American beer). For whatever reason nobody actually explained the rules to him, they just gave him a catcher's mask and stuck him behind home plate.

It seemed like a good place for him as he was built like a tree stump rather than your average scrawny convenience store clerk.

I made it to second base on my first hit, then the next guy hit a beautiful shot out into center field. I charged around to third then home. I was running full-tilt then suddenly I was slammed down onto the ground and Mr. Pakistan is jumping around cheering, "I tackle him! I tackle him!". According to witnesses he ran forward, caught me below my knees, then used my momentum to lift me into the air, spin me around and smash me into the ground. I got up, walked off the field and threw up in the bushes. A friend took me to the emergency room and stayed with me until I got out at 2am. She then dropped me off at my apartment. The next morning when I got up I realized I couldn't tie my shoes.

It took two months of physical therapy to regain the use of my elbow after they took the cast off. Since then India has gained nuclear technology and has forced Pakistan out of the disputed Kashmir region. Ha ha ha!

Moral of the story: Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc.*

Have a good weekend everybody.

Adventure! Excitement! Fractures!!

*The translation if left as an exercise for the reader.


Michael said...

That groove might have been caused by calipers used at birth; I'm not sure they use them much anymore, but they used to have metal clamps they would grip the baby's head with to pull them out. Sylvester Stallone's speech impediment is due to nerve damage caused by the use of these implements I believe. I have a big groove on my head too right under my cowlick.

Thanks for linking to the gross image, it totally made my day. {/sarcasm}

Check your Equipped PMs and get more calcium and iron in your diet. =^)

Merriwether the Adventurer said...

If you think the picture is bad, try being the guy on the table. For a year afterwards I'd pass out from the pain every time I sneezed...