Sunday, March 26, 2006

Time Warp #3: Excalibur Faire


Quite often I'll wake up in the middle of the night with leg cramps. My usual remedy is to jump out of bed and hop around until the cramps work themselves out. No big deal. Misseswether doesn't even twitch anymore when I do this.

It's a little different when you are laying in your tight-fitting mummy bag.

In a hammock.

When the air around you is 29 F.

And it's the 15th Century.

Oh well, even through the pain the stars were enjoyable in the moonless night. Way brighter and more numerous than our Houston sky. Lucy definately had all her diamonds on Saturday night and even the frozen fog of my breath couldn't hide them. It was awesome. Time travel has it's risks, but it also has many rewards.

My hammock was strung between our Honda Pilot and a friendly oak tree. I knew it was going to be cold so I lined my sleeping bag with aluminized bubblewrap (awesome insulator!) and a 0.5" thick piece of carpet padding. On top of the bag was a fleece blanket. I was wearing wool socks, jeans, turtleneck sweater, second wool sweater, and a wool hat.

But I couldn't feel my feet.

They were numb from the cold. Unfortunately the muscles in my legs didn't share that comfortable numbness. They were knotted up and tearing themselves apart. I tried shifting and stretching in the hammock but it was no good. Nothing could be done but surrender to the cold cold air. I dug myself out of the layers and began trying to hop around.

Did I mention my feet were numb?

And it was very dark?

I'm pretty sure I didn't mention the sticker-bush.

There was a sticker-bush. Three, actually.

A word of warning, when time-traveling one should aim to avoid the Little Ice Age unless properly prepared. For instance, when one knows the temperatures will be below freezing it is not necessary to make sure all the drinking water IS ICED!!! Alas, Misseswether meant well. She knows I normally like ice in my water so when she filled out canteens she made them half ice/half cold water. She's still learning how to be an adventurer. So far she's mastered emergency first aid but then being my spouse gives her plenty of practice...

Morning finally came, at least for me. The sun rose up and found me pacing back and forth wrapped in a blanket trying to return feeling to my feet and remove feeling from my legs. Occasionly I peer into the back of the Honda where Misseswether and Miniwether were sleeping soundly and warmly. They looked very content. I wanted to wake them up, perhaps with some refreshing ICE WATER! I'll poke venomous snakes, giant spiders, and wild hogs with a stick, but I know better than to wake my wife. Noli evocare quod reprimere non potes!

Eventually Miniwether stirred, followed by Misseswether. However, most of the stirring was done by me (along with the mixing, pouring, and serving).

After breakfast I climbed into the back of the Honda with the ladies. The entire front seat was loaded with gear moved there to make room for my sleeping beauties. The enterior of our vehicle was so packed I could hardly turn around which turned out to be a bigger problem than expected.

Did I mention the doors to our Honda have child safety locks? When engaged the doors can only be opened from the outside.

We were on the inside...

Luckily I was able to snake my arm to the ignition and power the window. I seem to spend a lot of time crawling through the Honda's windows while on adventures.

I was able to free us. Later Misseswether claimed she was laughing at our situation, not the view of me dangling upside down hanging out the window.

By this time we had warmed up some and it was time to get dressed in period garb. If one does not want to be burned at the stake by midieval villagers one should try to look like they belong. (I'm still trying to figure out how to avoid that same fate in my own neighborhood, though I suspect less creative use of lawn care equipment might help...). Once dressed we slipped out of the woods and headed to the Faire.

The sun was shining brightly as we entered the Spring Festival. Ribbons decorated the trees, women had flowers in their hair, baby goats frolicked, and children laughed.
This is where I learned the benefits of modern nutrition. The girl next to Miniwether was two years older, but two inches shorter. We ran into that a lot, thank's to Fred, Wilma, and Dino.

Our first stop was the blacksmith. I wanted the shape of my steel striker changed to fit my firepouch better. He quickly had it shortened, retempered, and throwing sparks like an angry dragon. This guy rocked!
blacksmith Flint-steel

After that we wandered over to the belly dancers. Miniwether just about stole the show from them. I'm not sure where she learned to dance like that but past experience suggests it was Misseswether. After all, that's how she caught me...

After the belly dancers it was time for Misseswether to strut her own stuff with a pole dance. She recieved many shouts of encouragement. Hubba Hubba!!!


As usual Miniwether was the perfect mimic.

There were many, er, *colorful* people at the Faire. Suprisily enough, this guy used to date a girl from my hometown in Minnesota! We talked about ice fishing for a while which confused everyone around us. Apparently his technique was to randomly punch holes through the ice, hopefully impaling a fish on his spikes. I find my use of dynamite to be much more effective at getting those hard-to-reach fish.

Alas, the combination of dancing, many foods on sticks, and fish stories were too much for Miniwether. She drifted off in my arms. It was really sweet.

Well, it was sweet for five minutes anyway. That girl is currently weighing in at a pound per inch and she ain't short! We decided it was time to sneak back to the Honda, run it up to 88 mph and make the leap home. It was a good adventure.

And now Misseswether knows not to bring ice water along when camping in freezing weather.

Uh, and I know not to shut us in the Honda with no one outside, one can not easily leap from a hammock while in pain, and you should always know where the sticker-bushes are...

Adventure! Time Travel! Dancing!


CrazyRideLady said...

Who did he date?!?!?

Merriwether the Adventurer said...

He wouldn't tell me, but he knew all about our town.

Does he look familiar?


p.s. Congratulations on becoming an honest woman! Bummer for the rest of us though...

CrazyRideLady said...

It's hard to see his face really good, plus there are so many new people in town. Thanks on the congrats - my mom is happy and my dad is crazy happy, finally rid of one of his girls!